The Search for Myself
Drifting, drifting, drifting …
It was the early 1980s when I made a career move to Stuart, Florida. With no family, no friends, and no emotional support within two hundred miles, I felt like a ship adrift without an anchor. I was totally alone without friends or family close by.
I was looking forward to my new adventure in sales and marketing at this luxurious waterfront resort. It even had a marina where I could dock my sail boat. I was looking forward to my new position, which involved developing a sales and marketing plan to bring group and convention business to the resort.
Although I loved my job, which required long hours, I continued to feel very alone and isolated when the day came to an end. I guess that is what motivated me to seek outside interests other than work and sailing.
I was fortunate. The local college offered a variety of different and unusual subjects, one of which was astrology. This was long before astrology was as mainstream as it is today. Since I was single and looking for “Mr. Right,” I had picked up a couple of “astrological compatibility” books at the bookstores over the years. When I saw the opportunity to actually take a class and learn more about astrology, I was really excited.
I also took classes in Spanish, real-estate and how to fly an airplane—although I must admit that the astrology class was the only one that stuck with me. I never learned to speak Spanish, and I never learned how to fly an airplane. Nor did I pursue a career in real-estate.
What I did learn was fascinating and satisfying, and seemed to answer a lot of questions I had about things I was experiencing in my life. Although I didn’t master the Spanish language, I did learn another language, the “Language of Astrology.” And what a captivating language it turned out to be. Little did I realize it at the time, but astrology would soon open a whole new world for me—a world in which understanding myself, my family, my coworkers and friends wasn’t such a mystery. What I learned, to my initial amazement, was that results here in this world are a direct product of when something is initiated. Timing, it turns out, really is everything.
It would be a mistake to imagine me in those days as some kind of “spiritual seeker” searching for a connection with the universe, or seeking the meaning of life. The truth is that I was just trying to get to know myself better and figure out why I do the things I do, and why I was feeling so
“Since then, the closer I have looked, the more astrology has made sense— not just in
in almost every instance it has tested positive ...”
unsure about everything. I didn’t want lofty wisdom about the supernatural, eternity, or the spiritual realm. Later on in life I would ask such questions of myself, but at this point I wanted something concrete, and astrology offered concrete explanations.
As a result of this class and my own studies I was eager to seek a professional interpretation of my astrology chart. I inquired about making an appointment for an astrological consultation with my teacher at the college, but she
was not seeing new clients at that time. However, she did refer me to a woman who lived in Hollywood, Florida. When I called Brenda to make my first astrology consultation appointment, she asked for my date, time and place of birth.
The hour-and-a-half drive from Stuart to Hollywood was filled with anticipation and excitement. What was this stranger going to tell me? Would she be able to help me sort out the dilemmas that I was experiencing in my life? Was she going to recognize that my life was in turmoil? Was she going to see that I was in my season of discontent? Would she see that I wanted to sell everything I owned and take off to sail around the world on my sailboat? That, although I had relocated and made a career change, I was still like a ship without an anchor? I was adrift. I felt that something was about to happen or that a change was coming in my life but I didn’t know what, or when it was going to happen.
I was going to see Brenda with so many questions in my mind. I was seeking direction and answers. I wanted to better understand myself and why I was feeling the restlessness that troubled me so. But I was also feeling hopeful. Because the usual answers from the mainstream had failed to give me peace, and because I had already started studying astrology at the college, I went to see Brenda without a bit of skepticism. I was ready to listen, learn, and apply her insightful information. I was eager to learn.
Since then, the closer I have looked, the more astrology has made sense—not just in general, but in almost every instance it has tested positive when I compared what it indicated might happen and what actually did happen in my life and the lives of my friends, family and clients. Since that day in Brenda’s office, I have understood and appreciated myself much more. Of course, I’ve faced life’s usual problems, but I never again felt I had nowhere to turn for answers or explanations.
I still remember as if it were yesterday the moment that I walked into her office. Although I had given her only my birth information—date, time and place—over the phone when I made the appointment, it appeared that she already knew me very well.
Prior to my arrival she had calculated my astrological chart by placing all of the planets in the respective signs and degrees where they had been positioned at the time and place of my birth. She then placed the planets in the respective houses. Of course I didn’t realize exactly what all of this meant at the time since I had not yet learned all the nuances of this new language.
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Genre – Memoir / Astrology
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